Thursday, June 17, 2004

Nagging Question No. 13
Perhaps in your travels you've encountered the "Zero to Bitch" suite of products, which includes bumper stickers, T-shirts, needlepoint pillows, and other such items. What I wonder is how do they determine exactly how many seconds this process actually takes? For instance, this T-Shirt proclaims a zero-to-bitch acceleration time of 4.1 seconds, while this lovely 11x11 print with a stated zero-to-bitch time of 4.5 seconds, is evidently aimed at a more level-headed class of woman. Finally, any Paparazzo knows that the bumper sticker on Leo DiCaprio's Prius claims a mere 2.5 seconds. Until this discrepancy is widely acknowledged and properly dealt with, one is tempted to offer the following words of advice: Caveat emptor, bitch.

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